Long ago

My last post has been so long ago, and for this, I am sorry. I really want to be better at all this blogging stuff because I enjoy it. Christmas is soon coming. 3 1/2 days to be exact. What's really great is that I will be among the thousands of people going out tomorrow and Friday to finish up "last minute" details. Oh joy. It always takes me about 30 minutes to get acclimated to my environment. Got to go, Gianna just knocked over the Christmas tree. That's why I don't blog. Hehehe

Can you say "out of control"?

Just a brief justification:-) I wrote the controversial blog yesterday because when I took my sweet 3 year old for his speech session the teacher read him a book on Halloween, so I was inspired:-D


For today though, it has been 4 days since the biggest help of my life has been gone on his jauntings in Liberia. I miss him dearly and desperately. My household is more than out of control at times. My 5 year old who thrives on chaos and response, my 3 year old that gets frustrated from not being understood, and because he's still going through developmental fits, and my 1 year old that just wants to be held all the time expressing it by whining. all of them "playing" off each other. YIKES. It took us 2 hours to finish Ethan's school today, while he fought the urge play with his siblings on the floor-right by our feet, and I fought the urge to just let him. He always wants to do his own thing, and tell me "just let me do what I want". He has such a strong personality. Sometimes I just want to let him do whatever, because I get so tired of having to take him back to the room for alone time when he talks back, hits his brother/sister, yells at me, it gets OLD. But I can not leave him to himself for he will bring me shame. A child left to himself will be sure to bring his mother shame.......idk the bible address for that one.

My 3 year old was such a sweet baby, he is still sweet, just VERY high maintenance. He wants someone to lay down with him at night and rub his back to put him to sleep. He wants endless sippy cups filled with milk. He poops his pants still and wipes poopy on my walls, If he is hungry right now he wants you to make him food RIGHT NOW. He gets picked on by Ethan and doesn't know how to stand up for himself, running to me crying with every skirmish. I suppose this is what everyone wants. Everything right now, the only difference is that adults don't SCREAM or they do it in other ways.

Now onto my 1 year old. My sweet, sweet baby girl. She can do no harm lol. Except add to the chaos.

To bring things around a little, speak some life, and add a positive side:
My 5 year old still likes to snuggle, gives hugs and kisses, tells me he loves me ALL the time, is very thoughtful with helping me, likes to pray and worship, tells me I'm the BEST teacher, he is extremely witty, intelligent, and eats almost anything I set on the table.

My 3 year old is making progress with the poopy problems, sounds so cute when he tries to talk, is as HUGE as a 5 year old and still expects me to pick him up, likes to play mommy and baby bird in a nest, asks me to run with him when we play outside(not Ethan :-p), wants me to lay with him at night, is a good listener, and can say his abc's and most of the letter sounds!

My 1 year old baby girl is sweet, sweet, sweet.

So even though it seems out of control sometimes, I have to remind myself that mothering is a job that is never done or over, I am the only one that can raise MY kids, and the legacy of my mothering will live on forever. I do miss the love of my life and am anxiously awaiting his return. Until then I will turn to a comforting cup of hot chai tea.

Controvery

I really don't like to write about controversial issues. Usually these issues are my own personal convictions, but they cause such uproar in the people around me that it's not even worth it. I think mainly of all the what ifs and hidden lies that pose themselves as truths. Most of my convictions are surrounding our USA holidays, health and religion, which are all "personal" topics for people. I will though express my opinions here since this is my writing outlet and if you disagree you can just click and leave.

I know our family made the right decision to home school. Some of the reasons were for convenience, but most out of holy conviction. I think our America is morally corrupt. Why would I put my sweet impressionable 5 year old under the authority of a corrupt people? Most of the holidays, for example, that we celebrate are interwoven with lies. We are told that Halloween is a perfectly normal and fun holiday to celebrate. Ghosts, goblins, witches, and all the other slimy nasty creatures that represent darkness. HELLO AMERICA WAKE UP. Darkness all darkness. People thrive on death. My children won't be desensitized to the weight that witchcraft, curses and the presence of evil that Halloween and satan bring. Yes I will teach my children that all those things are not honorable, trustworthy, or lovely. They will learn that people who believe in those things need prayer. It's a shame. How can we say we are "christian" and yet take our children trick or treating? Why expose them to hell and say it's fun, so they grow up thinking the supernatural evil world is fun? It's a fight and they must learn what is good and what is bad. How will they learn to fight the enemy which comes through sickness, poverty, demon possession, and death, if they think all that is ok? For me and my house we will serve the LORD. Is this a HUGE controversy? Yes. For us christians it shouldn't be.

Today

Today has been a good day, declared Psalm 91, listened to some Brooklyn Tabernacle worship while sitting outside with the kiddos for a while. Came inside and made lunch and in that short while the boys trashed the porch. They made "soil" lol. It's all over everything, the walls, door, toys, some was even tossed into the house all over the floor. Yikes what a mess. It'll dry and we can clean it later. I got on the treadmill and improved my time and got a killer workout wahoo!!!!! I think we will just stay home tonight. Hopefully I can get them to bed early and I can watch my girlie movie. I've got to wake up early tomorrow and workout so we can get school done in time for Micah speech therapy and church!

The husband is off

My husband has been sent on a missions trip to Liberia. This is his first trip ever. I'm excited to see what he will come back with. In the meantime I am holding down the fort. Making sure the house runs smoothly, the garbage gets taken out, putting anything that breaks back together, you know all the manly stuff. I wanted to finish some of the projects I have put on his to do list for him so that he doesn't have to worry about them. Like the swingset would be nice to get done. there are some things I most def can not do, like replace lights and finish remodeling our bathroom. Some things I refuse are mowing the lawn and doing more than 2 loads of laundry a week :-p I'm sure I will have enough to do, we bought a used treadmill so I need to keep up with my 2 mile interval running everyday and Ethan's school work, which is 15 lessons behind so we will be doubling lessons this week. I have a couple playdates planned, popcorn movie nights, and a trip or 2 to Mimis and the aunties house. Just have to remember that some things will not get done for the children's sake. Sometimes the little people need extra love, attention, and time spent sitting and playing on the floor. For my mind will be stayed on Him who gives perfect peace:-)

The approaching holidays

I honestly can't wait for Christmas. I love the holidays. It's like a mini-vacation just.....at home. It's almost like you can "check out" from all your responsibilities and still enjoy the comforts of your own bed. I have BIG plans for this years cookie baking days. I will absolutely bake the cream cheese mint brownies, bit this year I will be trying home made canolies. Yes that's right CANOLIES!!!!! I love them, they are my favorite dessert and I can't wait. I am in anticipation to go driving around 2 times a week to look at lights, the parties, the chilly nights, the hot tea, oh oh oh all the joys.

Waiting

Well I am sitting here waiting to go to the Immerse conference!!!! I'm pretty anxious so I need to outlet. I was able to attend the Ag womens conference last weekend. It was so refreshing and I was able to get full of the Lord. Rita Springer led worship. I have to go now.... so soon. the Lord is sure to work patience into my life with these non compliant boys:-/


Ok, had to administer some repentance. Ethan swung at me because he didn't want me to change the channel. I didn't approve of what he was watching. So yes the Lord will surely drive selfishness and anger from my life with these children. What a blessing. lol. It's amazing how much more sin manifests in your life when you have kids. But God is faithful to help us. Sometimes I feel as if I will lose my mind. I read a good article that says the first step to freedom is forgiveness, of ourselves and others. Sometimes it's a process to change all the uglies in your life so you have to walk in forgiveness of yourself and those you can't change.


There are so many wonderful blogs I could write, I won't though in fear of disclosing too much information. Hopefully I can keep a happy attitude until I get out the door, maybe I'll leave early.

My kids, who else?

I love how my sweet 13 month old baby girl gets excited when she sees shoes and wants you to put them on her, then walks around the house looking down at her feet. She is so cute. I will be pretty happy when she does that with her clothes. Yesterday Ethan said that he doesn't want to grow up, he asked me how can he stay 5 and when his birthday gets here he doesn't want to be 6. Oh my, oh my. Micah is talking so much more now. He role plays with his toys. A couple weeks ago he was pretending his hands were people and was making them talk to each other:-D Kids are so awesome when they are being good. They can be rascals too though:-/ got to go Micah wants to sing his ABCs!!!!

It's been a while, a lot has happened

Well it's been a while since I've written. Just to fill you in, Micah has regressed back into diapers. I am completely ok with it for now I think we both need a break from the potty. I'd rather change a diaper than wipe poop off the wall and floor 6 times a day. I have gotten into a schedule for exercising and I am doing some fulfilling interval running and walking up hill:-) I do enjoy exercise. I don't enjoy the kids fussing in the background:-p
We have decided to go ahead and break ground or wall on the renovation of our house. So much needs to be done. the bathrooms, kitchen, we need floors, and enclose the carport. So this week we started the bathrooms, knocking out the walls to the studs, yikes but it is coming along well we just have to build everything back up now. Dylan is doing such a great job. it is a llittle strssful sometimes being so busy and raising our family. It's deff worth it!
We are on lesson 33 for Ethan's kindergarten year. How exciting. I didn't know I would enjoy teaching him math and reading so much. Writing is another issue. ABEKA CURRICULUM ROCKS. Just saying. So what else...... we are preparing for the Immerse conference and I'm excited that we have made so many friends in the process, it's priceless. I love working for God and advancing his kingdom. I never thought I'd say it but I love people. I am so introverted and extroverted at the same time don't know how it works that way for me but it's true. god has been answering our heart cries lately, I have so many testimonies of his tangible manifestation. So anywho, my adopted mom is recovering from surgery a female thing I can't wait until she is up and going again, we miss her.

The schedule

Well I've done really well with our new "schedule", for the last 3 days at least:-) I have to say that I HATE waking up in the morning. It's a big downer for me, but when I do finally get outside to do my walk it's sooooo nice. Yesterday it rained(thought I was going to get out of exercise)but it quickly stopped:-/ when I got outside the trees were all wet and looked so alive and refreshed. Today the wind was blowing and I could hear the crickets over my ipod! the hardest part is starting the habit, I'm finding though that once I do it that I really like it. Sleeping in is not worth the wonderful feeling I get when I am accomplished. The boys are doing very good with school. Ethans lessons are a little work for me , but I'm sure it will get easier as I get used to them. Micah just plays games. He's keeping busy staying out of the way when I'm teaching Ethan:-) I love them. It amazes me how much energy they have and how different they think than girls.

A new day

Tomorrow starts the day for my imposed accountability to....... myself! I have decided to try some new vitamins and supplements to help lower my cravings for sugar and carbs. Hopefully it will work and get me motivated for exercise again. It's been pretty difficult this time to even think seriously about it. I've been so relaxed, I really have just not cared. The only thing driving me now is feeling tired all the time. So I WILL:

1. remember to take my vitamins
2. try to control my portions
3. not eat too much red meat or sugary sweets

I think that's good to start with. I'm looking forward to feeling better. This time last year I was 18 days away from birthing my beautiful baby girl. When I look back at the year I see how fast it went:-( Too fast. All I did was raise babies it seems. I know I did some other stuff too, we took a couple trips. The majority of my time was raising babies though. I can't say it was all fun. Some days I truthfully just wanted to run far far away. Being a mom has made me a stronger person, I have learned that it's not my will I live for, it's the perfect will of God. It was definitely worth it. In the end we will and do have a beautiful family with great people. I couldn't be more honored. I absolutely love that all my kids have totally different personalities and they are hilarious. I enjoy being around them. Most of the time:-)

Florida's Beaches

I ventured to the beach today with the kids and some friends. Wow was it hot. We were out there not even two hours and it was baking. The kids did have tons of fun and were asleep cold by 7:45 :-) The beach always takes the life out of me though, I end up really tired.

To add or not to add

Looking at my belly pictures posted reminds me of a decision to be made. We are praying about whether to add another child to our already busy life and comfortable family dynamic. There's so many reasons why I say yes:

1. Gianna will have a sister
2. I will have two girls to help me shop:~o
3. Less pressure for Gianna being the only girl
4. More support for me in my "old age"
5. (I secretly like the chaos)

Reasons I want to say no

1. I'm a freak when I'm pregnant, constant yelling, so many aches
2. Will we all fit "comfortably" in this house?
3. how will we handle all the teenagers, and the food bill?
4. I haven't lost all of my weight from last pregnancy
5. will it really benefit Gianna not to be the only girl?

So there. A lot to be considered I guess. Deep in my heart though I really feel there's room for one more. Only if God promises it'll be a girl and my preference is for her to have reddish hair like Micah (so he won't question if he was adopted lol). I believe God will grant my desires if they are his, he has been so true to me, he has worked miracles in my life.

A poopy kind of life

This is a blog I wrote a couple of days ago. Hope you enjoy:-)

As I sit here drinking my cup of decaf coffee with a teaspoon of sugar and vanilla late creamer, I hope in my heart that it's all coming to an end, that my latest encounter was the last. You see about eight weeks ago my precious 3 year old Micah became smitten with a bout of terrible constipation. He screamed in pain every time he went. This, for obvious reasons, left him mortified of the potty. Thus began his new found mission to never have to go there again. With great perseverance the little fella has been trying to hold "it" for 6 weeks, until lately when he met his match- several doses of flaxseed oil.
The journey has been long, hard, smelly, and messy. It's been filled with about 7 pairs of undies everyday, clorox wipes, baby wipes, napkins, bleach, towels and screaming (mine & his). This week great progress has been made, a willingness to try the potty again. Until today. A wave of the runs. All over the place. What a sweet little man he is trying to help me clean up his undies, shaking them over the toilet and flinging the most rancid smelling poop ALL over the place. My rock hard reflex could not handle it and I began to gag violently. When, when, WHEN will this come to an end..... Give me night feedings, tired mornings, baby food, nursing problems, a messy house anything but this. So enjoy, have a good laugh with me :-)